1. Stick to the process. Stick to the time-line.
(Acting a month or two ahead of everyone else will not get you ahead in this game. It will only annoy everyone else. C and C specifically.)

2. Read the frackin’ manual.
(All of it. All of you. Twice, please. At least. Maybe use a highlighter.)

3. Have someone edit your record before you post it.
(One typo is expected; four, acceptable; twenty, moronic.)

4. Boundaries, people… remember the importance of boundaries.
(If you’re BFP retired, they shouldn’t be teaching classes, serving on committees, working with you on your process, or planning to stick around for the new person you are hoping to hire.)

5. Get someone professional or professional-grade to do your packet.
(And for the love of green, pay attention to white space. 210 pages with blank backs is just plain off-putting. And you don’t need a page for each Board member’s 1 paragraph bio. Actually, you don’t even need Board member bios.)

6. Cool logos and symbols and themes are good.
(Using the Association’s “official travesty logo” on every page as a shadowy watermark does not in anyway constitute “good”.)

7. Traditionally, one interviews someone before inviting them to visit on your dime. (See #1 above.)

8. Oh, and by the way, if you expect a packet from someone and it doesn’t arrive– 10 days is a really frackin’ long time to wait before letting them know the package didn’t arrive as planned. (No, I’m not bitter at all. I don’t even really like mini-golf. Not really.)

9. Invitations to visit should include C AND C.
(We are a team. We travel together. No splitting up the act. We are both a lot less fun apart than we are together.)

10. Invitations to visit should include an offer to pay for said visit.
(Invitations without such an offer are empty, crude, and insulting. Like asking someone to dinner and then letting them know it is dutch.)

11. C is interviewing for a position. C is the spartner. You get to meet both, but interview only one. (Choose carefully. If I were you, I’d choose C. C is out of your league and would eat you up alive in an interview. Plus, you can’t afford her. Really. Trust me.)

12. Along the lines of #7. Traditionally, before you commit to flying two folks across the country for an interview, you should really call and talk to the listed references. (Maybe at least one… I’m just saying.)

13. Have a plan. An itinerary. A schedule. ANYTHING!!!
(And, if possible, if it isn’t too much to ask, please share the blasted schedule with us before we arrive. Thank you.)

14. Little things make a big difference. (A phone call when we arrive. A gift basket in our room. Offering to pay for C’s lunch. Whatever… we notice these things.)

15. Quit putting crazy people with no social skills on your committees.
(Really. We’re serious about this. It is really starting to freak us out.)

16. There are certain subjects/topics of conversation that are best left unsaid during the whole process. (How many bodies have been found in the local park lake? How big is the alligator that lives in said lake? Anything involving sex, sexual positions, propositions, prostitutes, strip clubs– need we continue?)